Hay Friend!

I know I know, I’m supposed to talk all about Israel. Or at least share with you all my experiences. Life just keeps happening and there are more pressing issues that need to be discussed. Now, I’m not going to lie. We’re all friends right? I’m not going to say my life has been the best. (But Dammy, your saved, God loves you, what on earth could be bothering you???) Well, a thing called life. It’s twist and turns. Some major disappointments. This past week has been rough for me. I’ve cried a whole lot.

I have poured my heart to many friends. Personal issues which when I’m comfortable enough, I will share. I’m just trying to process what is going on in my life right now. How do I heal from something that has me feeling so…. broken?

Also this world has been so ugly lately. All the atrocities that have been happening to mankind, caused, by mankind is sad. It shows there is a lack of love in the world. People are hurting and we are reaching the lowest of lows right now. People just dying left and right, just left me feeling so sad. Usually I’m more apathetic to events in the world. (Sad to admit that) or sad for a time and then able to shake it off. This time, it just wasn’t so easy. I really felt that prayer, break my heart for what breaks yours come to life. So how have I been dealing? How do we deal with things that break our hearts and leave us feeling broken beyond repair sometimes?

It’s Ok Not to Be Ok 

Can I openly admit that I’m not ok? I think it’s so sad how we have to always put on a facade or a mask and pretend we are ok…All the time. It’s not true and you know it. As a child, I use to vocalize when I’m feeling good and happy and when I’m mad and sad. Funny enough I still do this. I personally do not like trying to suppress my feelings. I think it’s unhealthy to not allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Especially, for the reason that you don’t want others to know your true feelings. Some of us want to pretend we are happy all day every day when we know all to well that when the smile fades and the doors close, we are a wreck inside. Screaming for relief from our pain, figuring out how will we survive today.

When you are not feeling your best, OWN IT. Stop suppressing emotions. It’s not healthy. You stunt you emotional intelligence and become emotionally immature until one day, you just loose it. For me, if I’m upset, I let people know when they ask me how I am doing. I let my friends know I’m sad. Maybe, they have something to cheer me up. But why let myself self-destruct all in the name of looking good for others?

Can I be sad please? Can I have my time? I’m not saying stay there but jeez, can we allow each other to be human? Sometimes, we as Christians can be dumbfounded when we see each other upset. Yes you are saved, yes Jesus loves you but you also are human. Being in Christ does take away the crappy parts of being human. If you are disappointed about something, you are disappointed, the end. It’s ok. We should not ostracize others for not always being “happy” nor should we be so quick to always want to shove bible verses down someone’s throat. Maybe the person needs someone to just LISTEN to them. I know for me, that is therapeutic. I don’t need to always be lectured or lectured about giving everything to God. I KNOW THIS….. BUT I’M STILL HURTING. That’s where the emotional intelligence comes into play. What does my brother or sister need right now? Maybe I need a hug. A shoulder to cry on. Or for you to simply, sit down with me in silence. Why should I not feel because that makes you uncomfortable? That’s not fair.

It’s ok not to be ok. We all know pick yourself up, don’t stay there. We all know this so I don’t have to repeat it. We all know the things to do. The positive reinforcement, the give it to Jesus. But my heart is still hurt in the meantime, now what? Can you help me with that…

It’s Ok to Cry..Pray When You Cry 

Crying is not a sign of weakness. The shortest verse in the bible… John 11:35 says: Jesus Wept. The God you serve cries. You don’t think he cries when he sees what’s going on? A major reason Christ came was for God to feel his people again. To feel what it means to be human. To feel our pain, struggles what causes us to weep, shout, scream. He stepped into mankind to understand us again. So where was it that you saw that crying is for those who are weak? I think It’s pretty cleansing.

I have cried many tears in my life. I have cried to the point It’s hard to breathe due to the weight of life, disappointments, grief etc. For 2 weeks, I’ve had a couple of those deep cries. But one thing I’ve noticed, when I get the strength to speak, I pray. Not just, Jesus you are awesome prayers only…They are aggressive and raw. I shout, I curse, I ask questions. I do a lot of reminders to God of what he promised and ask him… where you at doe??? Some may consider me rude in what I say.. I’m fine with that because when you are broken “beyond repair” you will do anything to help relieve that feeling. Also I like to be transparent with God. I’ve already said all this in my heart. Why not say it with my mouth?

Then sometimes, I’m so broken before the lord, I have no words to speak. I can use songs to communicate what I want to pray or I have just no words. Romans 8:26 says

26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groaning’s that cannot be expressed in words.

That’s reassuring. Some of us believe we must jump in the air and shout aloud for God to hear us. But what about those moments you can’t even speak. Will God not hear you? Thank you Holy Spirit for always saying what sometimes I can’t even utter.

I say, when you feel like this, make sure you cry before your creator openly and be as transparent as possible. Get everything off your chest. It’s freeing and I assure you, you will feel better. Put some praise music on. Cry to that if you need to. Make sure when you are most broken, you communicate with God. He hears you… Never forget that he hears you. He sees every tear. He is not far from us. I promise, you will feel more strength than you had before. I’ve also realized, in my own case, I hear him more clearly in these desperate times. Being before him when we are so broken and humble, for some reason makes him communicate a little more clearly sometimes… Why? I’m not sure. Kind of makes me annoyed sometimes with him, but it just reminds me that, he is for me.

By Any Means Necessary

Another thing when dealing with a heavy heart, do what you need to do to guard your heart. If what is going on in the world is taking a serious toll on you, consider removing yourself from social media for a while. Block or un follow certain people who may be contributors to your state of mind. Read a book, READ YOUR BIBLE, talk to someone. Do whatever is necessary for you to create an environment that allows you to heal. As long as it’s not destructive, do what you need to do to lessen the weight. For me, I stopped listening to certain music for a little while, l’ve been listening to a lot of podcast. I’ve invested myself in this blog. I cut off people. I deleted social media from my phone for a few days. All I’m saying, self-preservation is important, do what you need to do so you can recover. If you are not well, how do you expect to be used? If you are not ok, God can’t use you efficiently. Yes, we should care for others but what about you?

Pray for me that I may heal. Pray for the world. Take action and see what you can do to contribute to the growth of humanity. Church, be a vehicle for change and love, lend a listening ear. You are here to represent him, not be him. By God’s grace, I will have more strength and clarity. I pray you will all have the same. Until next time…

Bye Friend!